The 2ww

So this has been as bad if not worse than previous 2ww for me. The first week is filled with optimism with fear of failure...again! We have gone so long without good news that we almost cant believe we may get a positive result, ever! But we have tried very hard to keep positive and send all positive vibes and love to our embies which are so far away. Have been praying like mad to keep GMS well and happy and pray it works for her sake as well so she can provide for her 3 children.
It has been strange for me as I havent told any of our friends that we are doing this process or even that we have been away to India! Work colleagues think I have been to Malta, fortunately I have been there quite a few times so I can talk confidently about it. The big benefit is that I don't have to talk about how I am feeling to everyone. Most people think we are taking a break for a few months so are giving me some space and not asking too many questions which makes it easier for me. We just can't take any more sympathy from our friends, who all mean well but we feel we don't want to spread further disappointment around. I just so want to have my happy ending with this now! I know I am supposed to be patient, but I am simply rubbish at it at the moment. We have made a provisional game plan if this attempt doesn't work out I.e using our frozen embryos first. Then maybe do another fresh attempt next year or do a cycle here and take embryos over.. But I can't bear to think of those. I want to use the frozen embies for siblings if needed. I just want this to work so much. I cant take another heartbreak.
This second week has been the most difficult. On top of the general anxiety,I think I have been premenstrual so irrationality is rife! The clinic mailed me to tell me that although the blood test for hcg is done on Thursday ( tmrw!) the result is not recieved until the following afternoon. I originally was fine with this but on Mental Monday, I felt I couldn't wait that extra 24 hours and mailed the clinic to see if they could possibly get the result on Thursday evening! Bless them, clearly used to impatient I.Ps, said they would try but I'm getting ready for 2 more sleeps before we find out!
So on the brink of GMS having her blood test I am still hoping and praying that the life changing result is achieved.
I had a patient today wanting a termination at 22+ weeks pregnancy, she has 3 children already. This made me feel so sick and unwell as one clinic had turned her down already but she really wanted it done. 24 weeks is viability, so the fetus will have to effectively be murdered. It's so sick,especially for oversensitive me!
Life is so unfair and topsy turvy.. Please let our dreams start this time! will be back...