Monday, 25 July 2011

Bad day

I didnt post on Friday when we had our first results as I thought it was too good to be true and it was. After all the anxiety we received the wonderful news that GMS was pregnant on friday morning with a bhcg of 99.93. I was so happy with that as a level around 100 for a singleton is a really good result. It did cross my mind that you cant tell if it is a singleton pregnancy and it possibly could be 2 not so good twins with hcgs around 50.. anyway..Dr K was planning to repeat it in 3 days, which fell on Sunday. I rang her this morning to find that she was having her bloods today (4 days later). I tried to put it to the back of my mind but halfway through my afternoon surgery I found an email from Dr K.. to say that she had an oral report from the lab, stating a level of 159.6, which has risen but not doubled (should possibly have doubled and then some by now!). Felt totally sick. Just like history repeating itself. Our only other pregnancies start well then the bhcg nightmare starts and then it drops and game over. Just to make it worse, I had half a surgery to finish including a 6 day old baby aargh. Spent the afternoon, with reddish eyes (patients didnt seem to notice), crying inbetween patients. Just 4 days ago we had a positive result and now all the dreams are fading fast.. again. How many times can we go through this? Its what I was probably so anxious about, the hideous feeling when it doesnt work out. So many of our embie-angels up in heaven..its so sad. Heartbreak all over again.  

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